My Little Soapbox

It is almost that time to officially fill out paperwork and to begin our new school year. I am busily putting some polishing touches on our upcoming year at the same time I completely rearrange the science units to accommodate the things we can do right now.

I’ve got most of Jr.’s things mapped out and ready to play that wonderful fun game of “school chess” where the pieces get moved around to hopefully end up in a decent completed order by the end of the year! And I’ve mapped out some things to keep darling Lil’B busy. He’s very cute when he grabs “his school” out of his basket. I never know exactly what he’ll come back with - lately it has just been paper and crayons. He’s my budding little artist. And it never fails to amaze me how well he can already create things. I’m not the artsy type though I do sometimes try. But let’s face it my main and best “art” are stick people! I draw a damn fine stick person!

In other news in partial preparation for this year but mostly in a bid to get my sanity back I’ve set up my email accounts differently. Don’t worry if you are reading this it probably doesn’t actually affect you. Mostly it affects me. I love the groups that I belong to but I can’t get through all the email they send. It is daunting and I’m actually only really paying attention to three yahoogroups/elists. They are just prolific!

So I set them up with a separate address. That worked a bit but I was still getting tons of mail to my email client which would snag me when I checked my regular email. So I went a step further and set that email address in a different email client! Yep to get the messages I have to actually open a second program. It is fabulous!

It has also made me aware of how much superfluous email I get and how much of a time sucker my loops are to my day. My regular inbox is quiet and gets a handful of emails a day. Occasionally I get a couple dozen but its not hundreds. And I’m even whittling those down. My big loops are still available but I’m checking them every couple of days instead of lots of times each day. Do I miss out on threads - sort of but better late to the conversation than to feel muddled by all that clutter in my day.

I’m back to my quick loop around the internet which is very necessary if I’m going to keep the boys focused in directions I prefer like those that don’t get them into trouble. For instance I was “busy” and missed them dumping three bottles of paint into the sandbox. What exactly I was “busy” with I’m not sure and I do remember them asking something about paint. My only hope is that I was “busy” cooking or something more acceptable than tinkering on my computer LOL

My camera has dead batteries again! But my cupboard looks very nice full of cherry pie filling! And my fruit crisp that I made with some of my “extra” cherries is already gone. Super Yum!

Anyway just a quick not to make note that I’m still here.

This week I’ve done lots of laundry.
Cleaned the kitchen a billion times - we’re doing an experiment if cleaning directly after a meal helps keep it “clean”. It does but it also takes a little more of my time.
Got my new computer half set up - wow have I forgotten what a huge pain in the ass it is to switch computers. Then again my dear, darling husband should be celebrating because that means I’ve had my last PC long enough to have forgotten what a PITA it is. Seven years people - seven years with the same pc. Granted its had some work done so its not really going away just being retired down a notch in our families computer hierarchy. Do you ever wonder if your old computer is just a little sad to be forgotten in that dusty corner of the basement? Weird - - no WALL-E.

Speaking of WALL-E I am looking at fast food drinking cups too - or rather when I get one I immediately flash to the scene in the movie about the “cupcake in a cup!”. Strange I know.

I like my new computer and I’m sure its only a short time before I get it all configured and most importantly all my settings transferred. You don’t even want to know how long and how many times I tried to login to my blog before I finally got the combination of user name and password right. *boo hoo* Does anyone else get overwhelmed with the number of passwords they have and how many are “need a special character” or “can’t have a special character” and what is up with those “you used that one six months ago please choose a new one!” GAH!!

Anyway that’s the short news from our end. More soon!

First I had a good time last night. We ran to see WALL-E at the Tuesday Bargain movie night at a local theater. The movie was what I’ve come to expect from Pixar but I can’t really say it better than Andrea did so pop on over there to read her review. WALL-E was spectacular is so many small ways. My favorite thing had to be Jr.’s “WALL-E” voice. It is almost spot on!

*****

Now a more serious note.

After the movie though was when I had a problem. And it is something I’ve noticed seems to be getting a little bigger and more frequent. My friends often poke me because I’m cautious and often have my kids walk away from things that may hurt them. Usually I can accept the jabs in jest but lately its been getting harder. It’s getting harder because I am seeming to have less control over my anxiety.

I say “we’ve had a long day” but that’s not an accurate description what I should be saying is that “I’ve been battling back the anxiety all day - making a conscious effort to turn off the “what if” pictures in my head - and I just can’t take one more round of that - so can you please just calm down before mommy completely falls off her rocker and the pictures going through my head overwhelm me to a point of non-function.”

It’s not very pretty is it. And to me it isn’t very funny. Most days I’m fine but I’ve noticed that a few days a month I’m really not that fine. The more I am bombarded on other levels  the easier it seems for my anxiety level to raise. It makes everything harder but especially battling back my normal (albiet strong but not insane) desire to keep the boys safe. On the bad days watching them at a playground is like nails on a chalkboard. Intellectually I know they will most likely be okay - but that doesn’t stop the continuing circle of “what if” pictures in my head or the other reactions I have that help me to recognize it is the anxiety talking. Most days are still just regular days and I’m working on figuring out what to do on the days that aren’t.

*****

I don’t want to end this post saying I’m a little nuts. So I’ll add a bit more on a different topic. A fantastic, wonderful topic. That I’ve wanted to share but I was waiting a few more days until I was certain that he was really, really there.

Jr. can read.

I don’t mean sound it out like “C A T cat” reading. I mean picking up a new book and reading with cadence, flow and confidence that he can do it. He still stops for words that he’s unfamiliar with like “through” and “ledge” but I am somewhat surprised at the number of words that he’s not stopping or pausing on like “pixie”. I don’t know why that one just surprised me. The other day we were reading books and he was reading to his brother while I found the requested book in the pile. In the middle of the chapter he stopped and said “I sure can read mom - cause I sure am getting to be 7!” I was tickled pink that he noticed his developed reading skill but very coolly said. “Yep you sure can read.” while inside I did the happy WAA HOOO dance!

Anger in its place

May assume a kind of grace

If it has some reason in it

and never lasts

beyond a minute.

Awhile back I happened upon a book of Betsey Clark illustrations paired with simple everyday type proverbs. I was delighted and have plans to convert the book into a bit of wall art for my home as I have a large love for this nostalgic artwork. This one caught my eye this past week on a particularly long day. My dear Jr. was having a time and spent several small spans being angry with me throughout the day.

Anger would come.
It would be present in the moment.
And then the anger would be smaller
And finally fade away.

Finding Jr. being better off for the flare and then the letting go. While it was frustrating to be there at the time on reflection I was pleased to see some of our family philosophies in play. I’ve long had a personal philosophy that one shouldn’t hold anger to long. So I embrace it! Hug it close! Wrap myself up in it! Then I let it go with an active thought. I recent years I’ve even been known to say “I’m not putting my energy there.” Family squabbles and squibbles aren’t worth the toll to myself when I’m terminally angry. It becomes like a disease in my soul.

Now just to keep it honest here - I’m not always that good at following my own philosophy but it is one that I work at everyday. And I’d like to think that’s what counts in this case. At the end of the day (or at least the end of these recent days) I’d rather be focused on the fact that it has been a long few weeks for us all. And that we are all glad to see it fade away towards spring.