You see I’ve gotten into a groove. It is a comfortable groove so I’m not really feeling a need to rock the boat. While in this groove, I have had some time to think about where I want to focus my time.

Time.

I never seem to have enough of it to go around and that has me thinking that I’m spread a little thin. Most people not really knowing my day to day activities would wonder just what has consumed my time. Lately it has been home projects. Raising rabbits requires me to be present of mind and body. My animal projects eat up time quickly. When you top them with the boys’ needs and the fact that tax season has been difficult. Well you get me in my comfortable groove just trying to roll along and ignoring the racking up of hours.

91 hours.

In one week alone. Is it any wonder why I am not inclined to take on more at the moment? I didn’t even really see my husband that week. And on the flipside I didn’t ever NOT see my children. They are a little sick of me I think. Turns out there is such a thing as too much mama. We’re all feeling a little fatigued of each other but trying to remember to breathe.

Fading.

I feel a portion of my life is fading from existence. And I’ve found I have to ask if that makes me sad or relieved. I miss certain people that I used to see more often but back again to time – I simply lack enough hours to make specific plans with so many individual people.

Community

In some ways I think that on a whole my community is altering. My children’s community is altering with the addition of the HSAP activities and 4H. And yet I still feel separated. By my life in the country. By my lack of church home. By the distance between my child and potential friends.

Tweens

We’re cresting that place where children seem to take a turn towards the dark side. It is so frustrating to see my boy dismissed by a 12 yr old because he’s 9. He only said hi. He just wanted a hello in return. I know your mama wouldn’t like the way you just acted. I don’t like the way you acted. Why is it that simply being kind is so damn hard for tween and teens?

Generalizing.

Yes I know I just generalized and that is a no-no.

Back to my groove.

It’s comfortable here. I think I’ll stay a bit longer.